Wednesday, October 8, 2014

And so it began

Lets take it waaaaaay back to the Zombie Run. Because to the best of my knowledge that's when it all started.

I was nervous as fuck, if anyone one from then is still here now, you'll remember that I posted about how nervous I was.... The husband decided to pick a fight with me that morning. Threatening that he wouldn’t even be going. 
 I needed him to go. 
I was scared, I was nervous, and I wanted my husbands support. 
He went, albeit grudgingly, acting all put out by the entire thing, until my friends showed up, then he "show-ed" up too. Playing the loving, "Im here for you" husband role that he so frequently played to perfection, (often making me look like a bitch who had no reason to be a bitch.)

At the end of the run, participants got a free beer, and there was food and music. 
I was drinking my free beer when my friend said something that made me laugh, causing me to spit my mouthful of beer out, and unfortunately I sprayed my husband.....

Ok, I had just survived the fucking zombie apocalypse, and I get reamed by the husband for apparently already having had too much to drink (yeah, the half of the one beer) the man had a FIT. And for once, he did it in front of people.. (FYI: I never tolerated my children throwing public tantrums or tantrums of any kind for that mattter)

Well, shit! If I cant even celebrate outrunning the zombies with a little laughter, then what the hell do I have left?
Now we had problems, and lots of them before this, but on this day - MY day, I decided there was one more thing I needed to outrun. 
I think this day was the straw that broke the camels back. 
On this day, I mentally declared that SOMETHING had to change.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

EXACTLY one later.................

Im laying in the bath tub,  feet  up on the tiled wall  (cause thats the only way my shoulders get some water action)  playing my ipod,  on my "Happy" playlist.....

Singing at the top of my lungs "Easy" by the Commodores. 
Crying with gusto as I sing as if my life depended on it.  

They were happy tears.

 " I wanna be free, just me"!!!!!

And I am............... (Ill try to fill you in on the past year, a little at a time, so that I dont bore you to death with one long post.)

It was then that I realized how much I LOVED writing,  and how much I missed it, so I decided at that moment, with that final swig of my wine that I would come back to "my world".
It was also then that I decided to empty the tub, and take a shower , since I had been  soaking in my own filth.....(did I mention that I hadnt showered all weekend?)

I guess maybe the water was too hot,  maybe I stood up too fast,  or the Xanax and the wine werent making friends with each other............. 

The world started spinning,  and the floor got closer and closer to my forehead..
Had to stumble  my naked ass to my bed ......fell asleep with partially rinsed hair, and completely soaking wet.  But I remembered this morning that I decided to come back here..

Yup,  even with all the changes in my world....some things never change.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Some things I've learned.....the hard way.

The truth hurts. 

so does love

everything comes full circle.

repeating the same mistakes over and over again, will only guarantee the same results over and over again.

the heart wants what it wants....whether right or wrong.

you cannot change someone.

happy is a state of mind that is very hard won.

compromise,  everyone must.

You are the most beautiful, when you are being yourself.

Changing to please someone else, only makes you miserable.

Be true to yourself,  its the most important truth.

Judge not,  we've all made mistakes.

The grass is not always greener,  you only see what a person wants you to see..

Never lose yourself in someone else, they probably dont deserve it.

Everyone can be replaced.

Sweet words can make an ugly man beautiful.

The right words can charm you right out of your pants.

The wrong words can cut deeper than any knife.

Being ignored is the worst form of injury

Flattery will get you anywhere

you can only fool the willing.

eating your words can give you indigestion,  but biting your tongue hurts like hell

black and white is simple...grey is very complicated.

revenge only hurts the person seeking it

you probably werent the first choice

some heartbreaks never heal

everyone deserves a second chance, but giving someone  a third chance is just plain stupid

everyone has at least one quality or trait that makes them beautiful

most people are just better off being seen and never heard

someone is always offended

you only live once, and how long you live is not guaranteed

regretting what you have NOT done is a helluva lot worse then regretting what you have done.