Monday, April 11, 2011

the fight

I have to work on my relationships. Sometimes though, I feel like I am working too hard, and I dont know if it should be so difficult. But then I look around at all my relationships. Family.....Friends... our friends are the family that we get to chose for ourselves. I love that saying because it is so true.
I have struggles with keeping my thoughts and opinions to myself with some family members, and sometimes I work really hard at avoiding my friends. I guess you could say that I push my loved ones away with one hand, and yank them back to me with the other hand.....I guess maybe, I have intimacy issues????
I have family that dosnt bother with me unless I bother with them first, and I really hate to constantly be the initiator of the relationship, I have to fight my pride, swallow and gag on it, because I know that if I dont bother with them, they wont bother with me.
We are family, and I want to have a relationship with them, no matter how difficult....
And sometimes, I have to fight my "wishes for solitude" and take the branch that my friends have to beat me with to get my attention.
I am truly amazed at my friends, and their total patience, and complete acceptance of who I am.
I have three friends in my life. I am not complaining, I wouldnt trade the three of them for 800 of anyone else.
These three girls love me. They care about my daily life. They call me and ask how things are going, when they hear or see something they dont like, they ask me whats going on. Never do these friends roll their eyes at my drama, never do they tell me to get over it, and never do they tell me how ridiculous Im being. They listen and they love. They track me down when I avoid their calls. They park right outside my backdoor and tell my answering machine that they know Im home cause they can see me listening to the message through the window....They send me texts saying "I miss you my friend"
They leave me voicemails threatening a visit, if I dont return their calls. Im very very fortunate in the "family" that I have chosen. I wonder why they choose to bother with me. After reading this, it appears that they fight harder for my friendship than I do for theirs...............I love my friends.

6 comments:

  1. Treasure them with all your might! Truly good friends are few and far between.

    Geez, we have a lot in common!

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  2. Your friends love you because you love them. You chose them and they chose you. Period. And the ones who keep coming back even after you've pushed them away? Those are the keepers - because they are the true friends.

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  3. Real friends see your tears before they fall !!

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  4. Sometimes your family becomes people you're technically related to. I don't have the best relationship with most of my family either and it's hard sometimes. And I'm glad you have such good friends!

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  5. my friends are awesome and most of my family is too....there is just a few that make me WORK for the contact with them.

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  6. You have an uncanny way of wording things that make me think "she just expressed that perfectly!
    Just me, I love that saying! It's so true. I've had to do alot of work on myself too in order to have meaningful relationships. I used to think I HAD TO SAY everything on my mind. But my yearning for closer friendships caused me to excercise my OWN restraints and finally learned that not everyone WANTS my opinion, they just want me to listen. Regardless, I agree! Cherish those relationships and remember, they too need to hear how important they are to you.

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