Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Ugh, Im such an awful, AWFUL person

Hello all,
Im a terrible person.
My mother in law has moved to Florida, and I am glad that she is cross country. Even though she still calls the hubby twice a day, I feel better knowing she is on the other side of the country. THAT IS NOT WHY IM AN AWFUL PERSON.
Im an awful person, because my husbands REAL father is in the hospital, and I could care less. No, that is not true, I care. I care because this is the second day of work my hubby has missed due to the hospitalization.
Background here: His real dad is a drunk. His mother left him, many decades ago, due to his drinking. He lost his business, his family.....everything. Before we were married, the man had pretty much drunk himself to death....He was on deaths door banging loudly. The doctors told his sons to say their goodbyes...........But the fates, being as unpredictable as they are, gave this man a second chance. His liver miraculously regenerated, and he was fine. He started drinking again...(Second chances are always wasted) He only calls my hubby when he is drunk, or when he needs more money to get drunk with. My mother in law tries to make her sons feel guilty for not keeping in contact with him. I have to tell my hubby that it is HIS choice whether or not he wants to be around that nonsense, after all, his mother LEFT the man for drinking, how the hell can she guilt her kids into seeing him......ok, now that you have the jist.....
I only care that the man is in the hospital for these reasons:
my hubby is missing work, which means the money coming into my house hold (which is already tight as it is) is gonna be that much tighter this coming check.
Im afraid that the man is gonna need constant care, which will require my hubby to spend all his free time with his drunk ass dad, and our marriage is already in trouble......I dont need his constant absence to make me realize Im happier with him gone.
Im terrified that the hubby will ask for his dad to come stay with us so that he can be taken care of....we dont have any room in this hovel for him, and even if we did, I have done my time living with other peoples family, I aint going there again....
Im afraid that his medical bill is gonna become my medical bill.
Dont worry, hes not on deaths bed, just a broken hip he received during a fall, and to be honest, Im afraid to even ask how he fell, cause IM afraid the answer is he fell cause he was drunk.
And all those reasons that show a very large lack of compassion are what make me a terrible person....and heres the cherry on that selfish sundae....my first thought when the hubby told me that his dad was in the hospital......"if he dies, he gets cremated" I know, I suck. I cant help it.....almost a year ago, the hubby and I were at the breaking point. Then his step dad drops dead, his mother has a heart attack, and my issues get totally ignored....and now, that I am at the breaking point again.........his dad pulls this stunt....Im beginning to wonder if his family is throwing themselves in front of the bus to save the hubbys ass...ridiculous I know....but I admitted right off the bat that Im an awful person.....but I just needed to vent.

7 comments:

  1. nah, you're not an awful person, you're just human. your FIL made the bed he lies in, and it certainly isn't your fault. in your situation, i would do what i could to make it easier without sacrificing my personal comfort. in other words, i'd send him a "get well" card, and adamantly REFUSE to let him move in. :/ GL.

    love the background, btw.

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  2. Nope, still not gonna call you a bad person. If you stick to your guns and refuse to pay for this person's bad choices (i.e. paying the hospital bill, letting him move in, etc) you will be called a bad person (probably by hubby and MIL). BUT, you will have to be the strong one here - otherwise you will just be enabling his behavior and putting your marriage into high risk category.

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  3. You are absolutely not a bad person for having those feelings. You are having them for a reason... they are warning you to beware. Listen to those feelings!

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  4. I agree with Gigi, your hubbys father has made his choices about what he's going to do and how he's going to live his life and you shouldn't be responsible for that.

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  5. I don't think you're an awful person. I think you are accutly aware of where this is all going. I only hope this issue doesn't cause you and hubby more strain. (Of course it will....) depending on how good you two communicate. Sounds like hubby needs to quit dancing to his mothers tune (guilt) and start putting your relationship first. I'll be thinking about you!

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  6. You're not awful, you're not wrong, you're just having normal feelings. What you are is honest !I had a similar situation but he was my Father. I understand your worries and fears, have to say I also feel for your husband's position too. Just be honest and talk about it (calmly)

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  7. P.S. I didn't take him in and he was better off for it, and so was I.

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