Friday, January 27, 2012

Chocolate, fried chicken and tuna.....

Have I got a story for you!!

I will ease into it though....cause, well,  I am not even sure if I want to throw it out there...
but it was part of my world last night....so SHARE it I will..

Im sure Ive mentioned it before, I am a Diabetic, type 2. 
I am a completely UNCONTROLLED Diabetic.
 I love chocolate, carbs, and all things unhealthy.....
and I have absolutely NO SELF CONTROL!
Im similar to a druggie when I see candy....I sweat,  I pretend I can resist, and the minute everyone looks the other way, I snatch it, and run......
speaking of snatch.....
haha,  that was supposed to be my clever transition to the real story........but not quite yet.

In an effort to try and extend my life as long as possible I have started going to the gym again....namely the Zumba classes I have been taking.
Everyone and their sister has been trying to take this class.......150 in a room with maximum occupancy of 55.
So my gym had to start limiting the classes.
They have tried sign up sheets,  numbers......and last night was the first 55 people who could get through the class room doors were the winners.....
dude,  I swear, it was like 100 starving people scrambling for the last fried chicken leg on the planet....................NOT PRETTY.

Well,  in all of their attempts I have been lucky enough to still get in the class, although last nights entrance required alot of pushing, shoving, and elbowing......(I. AM. NOT. JOKING.) hey,  I did what I had to do to get through those doors....
I really need for you to understand the very fortunate position of actually being INSIDE  the class......cause there was about 40 people outside of the class, looking in.......waiting for someone to relinquish their coveted spot!

Got a mental image yet?? 

Good,  now on to the story......

As we started warming up.....
I got a whiff...........
I wrinkled my nose,  and continued on with my workout....................
The longer I worked out,  the more whiffs I got....so I looked over at my friend......(who fought just as valiantly as I did  to get her spot)  and she too was wrinkling her nose.........
At least now I know Im not the only one smelling it........
Well,  like all rotten things.....the hotter it got, the worse it smelled...............
Thats right folks..............rotten snatch..............
I will wait while you gag................
done?
Now, mind you,  I have a nose like a fucking bloodhound,  so I could smell this nasty va jay jay  like I was eating it........
(hows that for a mental picture?)
I couldnt quite tell who it was,  but I could certainly smell her.
With every move we made, I moved further and further from my original spot......
but being that EVERYONE else in this room had to fight for THEIR spot,  finding a new spot for myself   WAS NOT GONNA HAPPEN .
I am stubborn, and I absolutely REFUSED to give up my spot...I had worked hard to get in the class, damn it, and I was NOT gonna miss it.
So I tried breathing through my mouth,  not breathing at all, and none of it worked....then the nasty bitch next to me left the room,  and miraculously THAT smell disappeared..................
REJOICE!!!!!!!!!!
It was gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I didnt have to give up the spot I had worked so hard for.......  but wouldnt you know it?? 
She returned.

After about 30 minutes,  I was literally GAGGING. 
Damn it!!!! 
DEFEAT.............I left the room!!!
I went to the bathroom,  paced a little,  got myself all pissed off that some stupid snatch (quite literally) had chased me away from my lottery winnings........
So I went over to my locker,  rubbed my entire body down with scented lotion,  put a good slathering of it under my nose,  and went back to the room..........to find that my friend,  whose sense of smell isnt nearly as good as mine,  had taken one for the team, and traded her spot for mine................
How many of you can say that you have THAT GOOD of a friend??

SMOOTHIES were on me last night!!!

6 comments:

  1. Mail that bitch a BAR OF SOAP !!!

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  2. You are braver than me - I wouldn't have gone back in!

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  3. oh MAN that's nasty. i have a nose like a bloodhound, and probably would have vomited right then and there. why a woman would try to go to a Zumba class with a stank vag is absolutely beyone me.

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  4. I've heard of those classes - Twat-bo, Skanking, Poonba, Gooing to the Oldies...

    Eww. That even makes me sort of grossed out. I smelled that in a titty bar once where two girls were dancing all over each other....yuck.

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  5. You have a good friend.

    I'm feeling good about the yoga class I take that only has six people in it.

    ReplyDelete

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