Thursday, January 5, 2012

I smell like a cheap whore

That is not just a title........
I REALLY DO smell like a cheap whore.
Amid the Christmas shopping,  I got a whole lot of perfume samples.
Calvin Klein "SHOCK"  should be renamed 'SHIT',  shit in a bottle.  First whiff smelled nice, so I sprayed the shit on,  and oh my gosh......I can be mistaken for a friggen porta potty.
Meanwhile, I  am being IGNORED!!
Not by the Dilda,  (I wish)
We have an I.T. guy,  (short for sh.I.T. guy)  (I am sensing a shit theme here)although Im not sure what exactly he is supposed to do, since his computer advice is ALWAYS, restart it.  Hes a douche bag, douchey enough to give an elephant the cleanest vagina on the planet.
Around Thanksgiving,  I had asked him something, and he did not reply,  so I figured he didnt hear me, as the whole damn herd was moo-ing, so I said "Douchebag, (fictitious name) did you hear me?"
his reply:  (and you will see where the doucheyness comes in)
his reply: " I heard you,  I just didnt feel like answering you"
Asshole.
So I said : "ok, I wont talk to you then"
and wouldnt you know that that fucking little bitch hasnt said boo to me since.
He will actually say "bless you"to everyone else that sneezes, but when i sneeze, he doesnt say a word...
Little cunt.  (oh, the "C" word,  I dont throw that one out freely)
He purposely goes out of his way to say goodmorning, INDIVIDUALLY, to everyone else in the office,  except for me.  Really?  are we 10??
I find it funny,  but at the same time I get so pissed, cause I just want to say: "hey douche bag, stop being such a little bitch" 
Thats the part that pisses me off...........  that I cannot say that.
I want to bitch slap him,  just for being a little bitch.
Or I would like to tell him that I can smell his breath AND his armpits from 10 feet away..... but he would run in and tell the boss on me.....I know this, because of a previous "clash" with this douchebag. 
When I told him that I didnt want to hear him rant and rave about the government all damned day long.....
He told on me....:"he has every right to express himself"
Seriously.
That time,  he was also being a little bitch.
I may talk alot of shit,  but I can take it without crying.  He cannot.
And that my friends is what separates, the BIG bitches,  from the little ones.
Happy Thursday,

10 comments:

  1. He is intimidated and threatened by you. I have know idea why ;) Does he like women?

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  2. "douchey enough to give an elephant the cleanest vagina on the planet." Didn't think I would ever have to picture that.

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  3. Sounds like you must of went to the South Harmon Institute of Technology

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  4. Speaking of "smelling like a cheap whore", my favorite scent on a woman is ANY body spray, plus a hint of Marlboro added for good measure.

    I'm about to launch my own line of perfumes, called "WHORE : Cigarettes & Body Spray" with several different scents and smoke fragrance combos available.

    I'm going to make MILLIONS.....

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  5. I gotta be honest - I missed most of what you wrote after, "douchey enough to give an elephant the cleanest vagina on the planet."

    Though he does sound like a douchcanoe, agree with you there!

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  6. I say you buy the asshole some deodorant and toothpaste and leave it on his desk....I HATE passive-agressive behavior but if it works for his, then I say you can do it too!

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  7. Holy Shit Balls, I haven't visited your blog in a while. I'm sorry :(

    Your rant about smelling like a cheap whore reminds me of Mean Girls and the quote " You smell like a baby prostitute".

    That IT guy is a douchebag. The IT guy at our office isn't a douche, BUT...... he did come to my desk to restart my computer just after I broke some serious wind (I thought I was isolated) and wouldn't take no for an answer so I HAD to let him sit at my desk. Served his ass right.

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  8. I think you need to start saying hello to him all loud and happy sounding and wishing him a great day.

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  9. I swear that has always been my experience with the I.T. guy as well (when I used to work, that is). I never did find a way to get their attention. Idiots.

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