Friday, April 27, 2012

A little more insight..

I am terrified of being alone.
About the only places I do alone are the gym and the bathroom........

I havent been alone since I was 16.
Sure I have had weekends when everyone ditched me, and I usually get a day a month when Im entirely alone......
but I spend those times in my hovel, relishing in the peace...

Ive only eaten by myself - in public, once. (While I was waiting for my friend to show up,  and that was on a college campus,  so I dont even know if THAT counts as eating in public alone.)
The thought of going places alone,scares me, makes me feel like others will pity me,  or think I must be so heinous that no one wants to spend time with me.

My point.......
I think I need to do some things OUT IN THE WORLD ..............ALONE.
They say that you are truest to yourself when you are alone...so alone I might need to be.....
Another fear........what if Im no one without someone. 
What if Im just one of those sheep that can only follow,  but never lead??

I need to be alone with me, my thoughts,  face my fear.  See just what Im made of.


I often find myself "framing" pictures in my head....wishing I had time to set my shot up, and take all the pictures of all the details that this world has to offer. But someone is usually tapping their foot impatiently while I try to achieve the shot I want, so................

I am wishy washy-ing the idea of spending some time at Disneyland ALONE this weekend.
And just the thought of doing it,  TERRIFIES ME!!!
I mean Id be ALONE!!!  (with 30,000 other people)
 

Can I handle just me??  

In my head,  I figure that I will take an iPod, put the headphones on,  and walk the park alone, just me and my camera....snapping all the shots Ive been listing in my head.....but then I think what if after a few pictures I cant handle it??
Can I find a way to enjoy my own company??


Even worse, Im scared that I wont have the balls to actually try it.

10 comments:

  1. Damn...and I was about to offer to go to the bathroom with you.....

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    Replies
    1. Heff, Ive been eating alot of veggies, you DONT want to be in the bathroom with me

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  2. I often find that I am my best company! I spend a lot of time alone. Yes, I get bored with myself easily but I find that if I have something to do and stay focused on, then I have a good time alone.

    One thing I haven't done though is go out to eat alone. People do it all the time but it would just be a little weird for me.

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    Replies
    1. um hmm, thats what I fear, Im gonna get hungry at some point in the day.

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  3. MAN... I am the exact opposite. I LOVE to be alone. Alone in the park, alone at home, eat out alone. I'm miss anti-social. I hate parties, social events, get together's, etc. I force myself to break out of my shell every once in a while but it really is difficult for me. Funny thing is I turn into a DIFFERENT person when I have to, like at Trade Shows or on the phone or company demos or training sessions. I'm a lot better than I used to be but I had to consciously work on it.

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    Replies
    1. April, I find you to be one of the most self confident people I know.

      Delete
  4. During the day being alone isn't so bad. It's night time that's worst when you are in a restaurant or bar on your own.

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  5. I, too, am my own best friend and get along with me better than anyone else does. I have no problem being alone... however, I have huge issues with crowds. No thanks.

    Good luck to you!

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  6. I think if yourself the chance to just enjoy your own company, you might be pleasantly surprised. I eat out by myself sometimes, go to movies alone, and I really enjoy not having to focus on someone else and whether they are enjoying themselves or not.

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  7. Hey Cho,
    I know when you get comments back on your blog, you are not alone, but when you WRITE them, you are all alone with your fantastic imaginative mind. Don't worry, you are well prepared.

    Sorry for the sappiness. Read my post from today and you may puke. I'll just warn you, I often use the sappiness for the setup.... tomorrow... BOOM!

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