I am terrified of being alone.
About the only places I do alone are the gym and the bathroom........
I havent been alone since I was 16.
Sure I have had weekends when everyone ditched me, and I usually get a day a month when Im entirely alone......
but I spend those times in my hovel, relishing in the peace...
Ive only eaten by myself - in public, once. (While I was waiting for my friend to show up, and that was on a college campus, so I dont even know if THAT counts as eating in public alone.)
The thought of going places alone,scares me, makes me feel like others will pity me, or think I must be so heinous that no one wants to spend time with me.
I think I need to do some things OUT IN THE WORLD ..............ALONE.
They say that you are truest to yourself when you are alone...so alone I might need to be.....
Another fear........what if Im no one without someone.
What if Im just one of those sheep that can only follow, but never lead??
I need to be alone with me, my thoughts, face my fear. See just what Im made of.
I often find myself "framing" pictures in my head....wishing I had time to set my shot up, and take all the pictures of all the details that this world has to offer. But someone is usually tapping their foot impatiently while I try to achieve the shot I want, so................
I am wishy washy-ing the idea of spending some time at Disneyland ALONE this weekend.
And just the thought of doing it, TERRIFIES ME!!!
I mean Id be ALONE!!! (with 30,000 other people)
Can I handle just me??
In my head, I figure that I will take an iPod, put the headphones on, and walk the park alone, just me and my camera....snapping all the shots Ive been listing in my head.....but then I think what if after a few pictures I cant handle it??
Can I find a way to enjoy my own company??
Even worse, Im scared that I wont have the balls to actually try it.