A friend asked me a question, "how many times have you been in love?"
Man, is THAT a loaded question or what??
I would have to say 4 times.
Real love, not that puppy dog shit, not straight out lust, but real true love.
Is that alot??
Is that not enough??
Is there REALLY such a thing as a "ONE TRUE LOVE"?
I once thought so, but then that was when I was dumb enough to think everything was black and white.
Now - there is ALOT of grey
I sometimes feel like I have been screwed when it comes to the love department.
I mean really 4 times??
But other times, I feel lucky... I have gotten the pleasure of falling in love 4 times....
I guess it goes back to that perspective thing.
I will call them: Naive love, rebound love, crazy love, painful love.
I took something away from all four of them.
Naive love, aside from all the painful lessons I learned, I walked
away with two beautiful children. I walked away knowing that the only
acknowledgment he even deserves from me is that he donated some sperm.
That is all he now rates in my world.
I was naive to think that I could live a healthy, happy life in that toxic environment.
That man spent our time together making me believe I was nothing, no
one, and ugly. He made me believe I was LUCKY that he even wanted me.
He told me what I could wear, how to wear it, where I could and could
not go, and who I could and could not talk to....he forbade me to wear
makeup and hairspray......ASSHOLE. The way he told me I looked
good??? "your not wearing that shit, go change."
Rebound Love made it easier to walk away from Naive love....... Rebound Love told me I was pretty.
Crazy love, wow......
no one wanted me with him.
He didnt bring much to the table as far as stability is concerned, but DAMN, I learned how sexy I could be - from him.
He was a DAMN good time!!
He gave me some serious confidence, and taught me a trick or two. (wink wink)
I have NEVER liked myself better than I did when I was with him.
I have never been truer to myself then when I was with him...
He also "learned" me in the way of guitars.......
too bad he wasnt quite ready to grow up.
I guess he was who I needed - when I needed him.
So I walked away from him, with a pair of fuck me boots, and a serious sway to my walk.
And a better appreciation for my "girls" and what a good bra can do for them....
thanks Crazy Love.
And Painful Love....he's the worst. I once believed he was my soul mate. I thought that he was the "great" love of my life....
A constant presence .....showing up whenever he
suspected I was happy....showing up long enough to throw the proverbial
monkey wrench into the works....then walking away .........
From him I got strength.
It took all I had to cut him out and not look back, to ignore the mind
games he tried to play, and to ignore the pleas of desperation.
I mean come on, us women are suckers for a good promise.
Show me a little attention, act like you care, pretend you want to know
everything about me, and I will spread eagle - quick like.
So I guess I gained the most from him.
He was the one who taught me that
a man will tell you exactly what you want to hear if it will get him
what he wants...
I married rebound love.
He loved me enough to make the "lifetime" commitment that the other three wouldnt make.
Rebound Love, from him I learn patience...on a daily basis.
Its a slow and painful process...but he aint dead yet, so I must be learning.